Yesterday I got my RSVP card for graduation in May. They waanted to know if I'm gonna walk or not. Personally, I don't care if I do ... HOWEVER... I'm going to walk....for my kids, for my mother and for my grandmother who will have the best seat in the house. I keep thinking about what it took for me to get to this point and honestly, I can't believe I actually made it. Never do I want a pity party but wow...after everything that happened this past year with my grandmother's death and everything surrounding it, this is honestly the last thing I would've thought would be happening...ME graduating.
It does make me sad, though, because the one thing I really wanted for my grandmother to see and be there for, she's not. Well she will be but you know what I mean. I already know I'm going to be an emotional basket case that day. Yeah, I'm proud of myself for making it through but I would give anything in this world to have her there physically so that I could see the look on her face. She stayed after me for years to go back to school and finally a few months before she died, I decided to. I bought my books for my first semester the same day I had to take her clothes to the funeral home. That morning that I walked into the bookstore, I stood there for a moment with the thoughts of "screw this" going through my head and I thought about turning around and just forgetting all about school but something made me stay there. It wouldn't let me leave and it hasn't let me give up this whole time.
Just reflecting and thinking on what 2009 has already given my family this year...it's amazing and sad all at the same time. I'm graduating, my brother, Jason, who NO ONE thought would ever have a kid...well he did...a little boy that is the spitting image of him (my grandmother would've been over the moon), my youngest brother, Josh, had another baby (a son) two weeks after Jason's son was born and my cousin, Shannon, got married last weekend. All of these amazing life changing events so close to each other. My grandmother would've been swimming in pride and excitement. So it's all a little bittersweet.
What I do know is that I am so thankful for everything I have left and everything that I had when my grandmother was alive. I am praising God for the amazing husband, mother and kids that I have. My mom and I were always close but she has become my best friend in so many ways and I would truly be lost without her. Same with my husband. I love that man. I really do. I could never find another man that fits me so perfectly. My boys, they are my angel and my miracle.
My friends that I have made this year. Wow, I don't even know what to say. They along with NKOTB (of course) are what picked my ass up off the floor last year and kept me going. So many times last year I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. I didn't want to smile or get out and have fun. I just wanted to cry and scream. Thank God for them. They added so much joy and laughter and sillyness to my life. I am a better person and stronger person because of each one of them. We all may have our different ways about doing things, saying things and perceiving things but when we all get together, it's like we are all just one big tardlike 12 year old and it's awesome. I can't wait to see what else 2009 has in store for us....
Speaking of which...bring on some Grown Man on St Patty's Day!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I totally know mean about ur graduation, My grandmother is the only reason I didn't give up and drop out last year, and now graduation is so close. But like u said she's got the best seat in the house.
ReplyDelete